So, updates:
- I am forcing myself (ish) to come into terms with the fact that I cannot make people stay. I don't see it as a really bad thing. Think of "make" as forcing someone. In that sense. I mean. I can do everything & I can say everything but if someone wants to leave, they will leave.
- Some people come back, though.
- Some people teeter-totter between staying and leaving and
- I should tell them to make up their minds because hoping while grieving at the same time is very tiring.
- they make me ask myself time and time again if I am ~~worth it~~ and good lord please.
- I have accepted the fact that I have a weak heart. Really. I'm not strong. I just wing it, or deal with things when I have to. I can be brave. But my heart gets bruised by every single thing. Sometimes it heals fast, sometimes it takes time, sometimes not at all-- a huge chunk still hurts from damages that happened long ago.
- Things lately have tested the fragility of my relationships with everybody. From my family to my friends to my coworkers...
- I have learned that a good way to succeed at work and to avoid getting hurt by the system & by people at work is to trust no one. No exceptions.
- I thought I was headed somewhere with someone. But I don't know. I am not sure if I am the one who pulled away or if I am the one who was left.
- School is okay so far. I have nice grad school acquaintances/friends. Lessons are bearable kind of.
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