breathe, girl, breathe

my heart feels heavy my head feels heavy i feel heavy and i am not sure if this is just because of sleep deprivation and tiredness (read: slept at 4am today & ugh dammit work) or because my insecurities are getting the better of me again

questions they did not need to ask:
who the fuck are you? | why are you here? | where did you come from? | what's in it for you? | why are you doing all of this why are you working hard for this | what. is. in. it. for. you?

l'esprit de l'escalier:
when i said "it was from someone i want to murder" i meant it // i kept quiet because i felt very small you made me feel very small // you're right, there was a reason i put that up but sorry to disappoint you it is definitely not what you think // tell me that despite recent developments in your life nothing will come between us // thank you for the compliments i am sorry i cannot accept them // i am sorry i lied

*****

i have become

a permanent resident

of the struggle bus

*****

this isn't how things are always going to be