every day nowadays

• wake up, groan, open iPad and check for notifications, search for phone and check for new texts/phone calls, groan ... get up and face the day (or avoid facing the day hah)
• ask myself, what is the point?
• tell myself, this is only temporary. one day, one day.
• get angry at myself because it's so hypocritical that I resent other people for dictating my life or how much I hate my environment etc - those are just fucking excuses I CHOSE THIS LIFE
• chastise self and/or mentally beat self up for the stupid things I did
• space out and think about what-could've-beens
• feel suffocated by the way things are
• worry about people who are not me
• communicate to said people or try to not say anything (mostly I can't help myself though sigh)
• worry again because I am an insecure little fucker who thinks she is annoying and no one really likes her
• get sad because there is huge chance the above bullet is right
• post vague shit on Twitter (or quotes or lyrics or links to images)
• read something
• try to come up with an ~ozm~ playlist and fail so just open 8tracks or Spotify
• sleep really late
• wake up really late

repeat.