Last night, I tweeted about needing something, but not knowing what that thing is. I know what it is now (surprise, surprise). What I need is a grip on something. This is not one of those things when I am being dramatic or depressive, but it's what the times are asking from me. A lot of things has happened since the summer has ended, and you know summer - you don't need to do anything, you can just hang around and do whatever you want, because all the time is yours. But now, school came back and gone are the days of being carefree, plus here are the endless strings of course requirements, org duties, and tons of new ideas about myself and the world. I'm getting lost. I'm falling from this big whirlwind of things and I can't seem to bring myself up. What I'm saying is that I think I haven't been able to balance things since I started this school year, and I do not know what to do.
I think I can handle the course requirements, and my org duties are being done. What's been really bugging me are the new ideas I have learned, new thoughts, or those questions and ideas I have long-forgotten but now came back. You know what it feels when new things are clashing with the old ones? That's it. Especially with my Ethics class. Ohmygosh, I don't know if I should blog about this but I am again losing my faith because of all those readings my instructor has told our class to read. Well, I am not switching religions or anything like it, it's just that I am having trouble separating what to believe and what not to believe. There is a universe of beliefs out there, I already have one, but I am slowly deviating from it. I do not want to stop believing, but all the things I have read are slowly pulling me away. I am feeling guilty about this, because I shouldn't doubt things and I should have not been affected by the stuff I have read in the first place, but I am. Dilemmas, dilemmas. Here's just one thing though: I have made myself promise that I am sticking to one faith, the one I grew up having. I just hope my thoughts will sometime (or sooner) come in sync with it again. We will see.
With everything that's been going on, the only things that give me some kind of comfort is music. Really. Only a few people know that I'm a sucker for sad songs, and I listen to such songs every time I feel down or when the weather isn't good. I like taking comfort from songs that sort of relate to how I feel, because that means I am not the only one who feels sucky in this world.
O.O
No comments:
Post a Comment