i don't know who's the author, and i forgot under what topic it was posted.
sorry!!! =(
alzheimer's disease calling!
i did not make this, but i am posting it because its so funny and it reflects the present situation of the government of the Philippines.
I don’t exactly know if this fits in this topic. But about a month ago, I finished a “crash course” on astrology under the tutelage of world-famous astrologer-professor Madame “G”, who correctly predicted that Pluto will be wiped out of the planetary parlance; and that Fidel Castro and Hugo Chaves will exchange faces (not sure whose face will be put on whose face); that Iran and Iraq will become “Irap” (a compromise being “p” is between “n” and “q”) and a that time Erap will be back via a popular revolution under a banner slogan “Ang Pagbabalik Ng PERA”; that N. Korea is bluffing the U.S. about its nuclear program because it turns out they enriched urea instead of uranium and the one they tested last Sunday was actually a “dirt bomb” from the urea; and the U.S. will have its lady president within this millenium, etc.
Last night my used “crystal ball” which I purchased from e-bay (i’m the sole bidder) arrived from the mail. Excitedly, I tried to find out if my crystal ball will give me something about the current events of national importance from the
I saw a small blacked-robed Lady walking into a room numbered 13 where Twelve blacked-robed men and women are sitting in an elegant mahogany table apparently having a “meeting”. The Lady is holding up high in her right hand and Excalibur-type sword with a red ribbon in the handle and a basket of ham and bread wrapped in a yellow plastic in her left without knocking on the door. The man seated at the head table who appears to be the Chief and surprised of the unexpected visitor stood up and asked, “Who are you and how did you get past the security guards?” The Lady answered, “Oh never mind who I am for even myself no longer know who I am. But I am very powerful and have black magic. They call me by so many names like cheat executive, corruption queen, illegal tenant, usurper, etc. My family name was once very respectable until i trashed and sullied it beyond repair now and oh… by the way, I able to come in by my trade mark- I bribed your security guards with the equivalent of twenty years of their salary. I think they went home with their guns already. Niyakap pa nga ako ‘nong isang pogi kaya lang may pagkatorpe. Hindi man lang ako hinalikan. Type ko pa naman
“Relax, relax chief!” the Lady said. “I am not going to hurt you for now even if I could do so with my power and black magic. You see.. twice those little mosquitoes in the 1st Floor who call themselves opposition? They tried to evict me but they failed because I turned most of their colleagues into my lap dogs and until now they are still under that spell. This opposition love to talk specially in front of cameras. So I instructed my men to give each of them a microphone and it worked- they dont’ understand each other because they talked at the same time even revealing their secret weapon against me. Turning them into dogs is easy because their heads are empty and therefore there is no opposing “vibe” and hence you can easily dictate them what to do. They will perform the tricks you want them to do for small piece of buto-buto.
“Wow that’s impressive! the 12 retorted almost in unison. “But what exactly why are you here. Are turning us into something?” the Chief asked. “No.. no… nooooo” said the Lady. “First, it will be harder for me to do because unlike those in the 1st floor your skull are expected to be half-empty and that’s why you’re selected and not elected by moron voters who vote for somebody because his family name is familiar, a movie star or a celebrity. Second, I want to offer you something which will make us happy together.” “But not half-empty, half-full maybe” the six protested. “Half-empty or half-full is the same camote” the Lady shot back.
“Look, half of you are here in this elegant room seating on the chair I gave you. Without me some of you may still be sitting on a plastic chair doing notary at the back of City Hall and other government offices. I want you to help me get out of this Mayon Volcano-like heap of shit I am in right now by evicting the occupant of the 2nd floor by demolishing it. I’m unable to do it myself with ease because like you, most of them have half-empty heads save around 3-4 of them including that old man who is now having trouble which is east and west. These guys kept banging on my floor and my family and i could not sleep anymore. I want you to help me me demolish the 2nd floor without me going a floor down.” “But wait… you’re on the 3rd floor right? If we are to demolish the 2nd floor, the 3rd floor will cruble down also,” said the oldest lady of the Twelve. “It may or may not. Actually, we already started the special demolision job designed by my Architects from the De Veni Sha, Jara-Ulo & Co. According to them, they found a way to defy the law of gravity as embodied in
“Look!” she said further. “Your house is supported by great and magnificent pillars made from the hardest and strongest materials that even if a few of them is taken out it will remain standing. If you could lend me a little over six of them and put it under my house it will prevent it from collapsing.” “Well, it sounds pausible but I think the people who built this house will not toleratre it” a young male member muttered. “It’s not a problem”, the Lady answered. “We will do it at night when the people are sound asleep and they will not notice it. Trust me, I mastered that art already remember…?”
“I have with me in my right hand a sword and a ham and bread to my left. If you will not going to help me, I will let you choose one and wrong choice may be of dire consequence. A sword is not per se dangerous because you can use it against you enemy. On the other hand, the ham and bread may contain poison and kill you.”
“Well, personally i cannot comment on that. How about if we divide the house”, the Chief suggested. “It’s
great” said the majority.
Then and there a vote was taken and the result was 8-4 and the Lady was very pleased. “Actually” she explained, “I was just bluffing you about your “choice”. The truth is that I prepared this special ham & bread just for you and the sword is just for slicing” the Lady said with a wide grin. “C’mon, let’s celebrate and eat together.”
But while they are celebrating, they heard what seems to be a sound of roaring sound from outside. When the Lady peered outside of the window, she saw Andres Bonifacio leading a division of tanks and artilery brandishing his trade mark Tabak and shouting at the top of his voice at the megaphone: “TO ALL OCCUPANT OF THE BUILDING PARTICULARLY THE THIRTEEN NOW FEASTING AT ROOM #13… GET OUT OF THE BUILDING IN 3 MINUTES AND SURRENDER. THIS BUILDING WAS CONDEMED AND WILL ALSO BE DESTROYED IN TEN MINUTES!”
This is complicated and beyond my comprehension and wondering what this really means. Worst is that i just learned that my mentor Madame “G” was assasinated for predicting that “an occupant of the house near a river will be forcibly evicted, will be carried by helecopter and will be dropped at the mouth of a volcano called Mayon together with Jose Pidal a.k.a. “JoseLu.”
With Madame “G” gone, I’ve nobody to consult what these exactly means. Do you?
the author sure loves the heads of our government, right?
oops
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